I’ve been told more than once that I am my own worst enemy.
The frustration I feel right now is something I am not going to spend a lot of time on.
I have faced lots of obstacles in my life. With very little help or understanding by others. Just the opposite, in fact. I know it makes me different. Goodness knows, I’ve posted about my narcissistic ex several times and mentioned the violence of my life.
I see a lot of posts on Facebook about how angry everyone is. How frustrated people are.
You have a right to have an opinion. A voice.
I guess I have to say that if you want to take and make all of this COVID stuff personal to your specific lifestyle, that’s your choice.
I have to say that dealing with workplace bullying and feeling ostracized is not something I talk about very much. I do live differently. I’ve had jobs that I am well qualified for given to someone else because I am different. I’ve been denied promotions. I’ve been treated as though I am a child because of my birth defects. I’ve been shot down or had my ideas stolen by others because I tend to see a lot of things my bosses don’t or because I keep things simple.
You don’t see me screaming about that. I think the worst I have said is that I am tired of being treated like a doormat.
Right now, as I am job searching, I’m just as scared about money as you are. My business won’t support me. I made career goal choices back in November that I am sticking to, as hard as that is to do- turning down a job offer- because I realized there are some limits that aren’t worth crossing for any employer. I realize that interviews go both ways, even if the HR people I talk to are judgmental or aggressive. It affects me even more right now, trying to go after jobs that better suit those career choices to support the care I feel for others, instead of treating people as disposable. Over the course of my life, I had to learn to be flexible, maybe too flexible, to support my family, to keep my home intact, to build skill sets. And now, HR people see that “moving around” I did as a contractor as “unreliable” when the normal before COVID was to stay in a position for 3-5 years, instead of taking care of clients or seeing that some of those clients can’t make up their minds about what they want or need and it’s time to let them get to it, instead of cramming my thoughts down their throat.
I understand your need to stomp. Because I have, too. I also have to say: be accountable for your life the way you’ve made me accountable for mine. I have to own my mistakes, choices, and successes. I’ve had to learn to adapt far beyond what is commonly acceptable in order to live with the choices I’ve had to make, whether or not those circumstances were under my control, which they normally were not.
I lost myself along the way. To my ex. To my family. To employers that enjoy seeing people crack out of their own feelings of helplessness or ego. To being forced to give up a career path I can never get back because I’ll never have the money to go after environmentalism or forensics. So you can lose yourself to your anger, to society, to the poison I see in the sniping of others. Or you can adapt. Make new choices. Let go. See what we all have in common and find NEW WAYS to make your business run. You can make yourself miserable. Or you can find ways to make those laws work for you. You can make yourself sick or you can open your heart again to love, and finding ways to take down your walls and limits. That choice is always yours.