Tonight, I spent a lovely evening in deep meditation. While that may seem boring to some, my heart is lifted.
I don’t share what I meditate about very often. The details have meaning for me. I know they wouldn’t necessarily make sense to someone else.
I feel a genuine need to help what is going on in our world today. Not to go out and combat the virus, like I have a shield and sword. I’m not a doctor, either.
What I can do is hope that this will change lives for the betterment of all mankind, worldkind, actually. It probably won’t. I write apocalyptic, so… yeah. Probably not. And this isn’t a plug for my books or games. I do know that it will change the lives for some.
It will make some people more selfish. It will make some people more aware of their surroundings. It will make some people connect in more loving ways to those oh so important connections. It will make some people get divorced. Others, married.
One of the questions I always ask with these things, whether its disease for many or cancer for one, check please, is: Is this the life you want to end your days with? How you’ve been living?
I don’t mean money or riches.
I mean everything else.
Is it that crucial that you put pressure on your co-workers or employees to perform above threshhold? Are you doing the same tasks, repeatedly, and getting no where? Are all the metrix running and compiling really that important to actually managing your business, or is it simply habit reinforcing reaction, instead of keeping an eye out for day-to-day as well as new opportunity? Do you even know how much time and effort you are wasting doing all that extra? If you throttle back, just a scooch, would your employees be happier and in return, give your customers a better experience? Would you keep employees longer? Is there more room for personalities to find an evening point, instead of a breaking point?
That may sound preachy. Shrugs. In some ways, it is. In others, not. I don’t mean lower expectations. I actually mean change and raise them.
Here’s another one.
Do you love someone but really can’t stand them? Are you spending your days biting your tongue? Is it better for you both to get distance? To allow each party to be who they are, because neither is going to change, and stop fighting and bickering? Is it more disloyal, if you do love that person, actually love them and want the best for them, to stay and beat each other’s brains with words of hurt and humiliation?
Is it that important that people remain silent? (Don’t get ahead of me here.) I found there are some personality types I don’t get along well with. Mostly those who are arrogant instead of self-confident. The other main: those who are full of denial of others. The two in combination are enough to make my head fly off. One of my current co-workers is body-loud. He drives me insane. Constant movement, mouth-clicking, sighing, tapping pencils and feet, and generally getting underfoot because I have to use his workstation to complete my work for the day due to the software on it. It doesn’t mean I am there to train him. I can deal with this personality type on a short term basis. Not long term. I find myself wanting to shout. He has been rather rude to me on more than one occasion. Patience and politeness count a lot with me. Some wouldn’t see that or agree with that statement. It’s the kind of patience and the kind of politeness I am talking about. There’s more than one of each.
If I had to work with this person long term, I would have to have a frank conversation with him, and our boss, and find some sort of solution. Because I can’t work in that environment and I am just as important. It’s not that I want to hurt anyone. For now, I deliberately wear headphones and listen to music that basically drowns him out. I changed my focus onto something more pleasant. A simple conversation would, hopefully, make his life easier, as well as my own. Because he is bored and doesn’t have enough to hold his attention. It isn’t really my place to find him something to do. I may have to start that, soon, even with the short term. He doesn’t realize how rude he is being, by distracting me from being able to do the very things that buy him time for retraining, or the comments he makes that his wife is a very naggy person. Is it really important to focus on that? No. Not for “end of days.” But it is for day-to-day. Because I am making mistakes at work because of it and I need to improve.
I’m reminded that there were days I was forced to sit in silence, smile benignly, bored out of my skull, just to be “polite” and respectful. It’s the wrong kind of polite. How is that respectful? It certainly isn’t to me. And, in a lot of ways, rather rude to the other person.
Do you scream at your teenager to get him to do chores for you? Or force him or her to come to the living area because your friend happen to drop by and dance attendance on you both? Why is it so important that he or she is dragged out of their day, other than a quick hi, for your sake. And, if he did that, instead of getting homework done, you’d probably be pissed.
If your spouse did that to you, when you had an afternoon of plans, maybe not fully set in stone, or your boss forced you to cancel dinner, how would you feel? Respected? Cherished? Cared about?
Is that really how you want to be living?
I had a conversation recently, one I’ve mentioned in this blog, that I finally do have a comfort zone. I was told to get out of it. Because of how I choose to live my life and how that person, while important to me, is struggling with trying to fit what he’s been told to want in with who he is. Those two things don’t fit nicely together. I don’t see what’s wrong with having a comfort zone if it makes life better? I don’t mean hiding out somewhere in fear or being stubborn about not leaving the house, ever. I mean, being happy and comfortable, where you are. I’m not robbing a liquor store. I’m not playing beat ’em up with a street full of mailboxes. It may be boring, but the stuff surrounding this virus? Shrugs. That’s part of what I study. Herbalism. How to take care of myself. How to do some pretty neat things with basic chemistry, and I don’t mean making meth or extacy in my basement.
That if I wasn’t allergic to wool, wearing a wool sweater would help keep me healthier because it’s got natural antimicrobials. How cool is that? It may be boring to some, but hey, I have been looking into other yarns for my sweaters just on that fact alone. And if you think that doesn’t mean much, you go ask a fashion-ficionado their opinion on Merino wool versus angora or cashmere. I may not be a girly-girl or a shop-a-holic but I can get into some sweater factoids that might just change my mind on which skein of yarn I pick up next. And that may make some of the local businesses around here happy. Economy, chemistry, health. All from a sweater. You may not find that all that and a bag of chips, but I’m of the mind that’s pretty damn cool. Or, er, warm. So to speak. All from taking control of my life. And I get a funky, personal sweater out of that, too. How many of you out there are some sort of yarn-crafter? Oh, just maybe one or two.
With all the fear going on right now, the best thing I can say is to take control and re-create your comfort zone. Find out what makes you happy. If you can’t be happy, what makes you happier? You can’t control the chaos. Nor should you try. You can only control yourself, and sometimes, not even then.
We live in a world where Paris was bombed and set on fire. NYC and 9/11. A war in the middle east that seems to go on forever. H1N1. All the shootings in our schools and churches and mosques and synagogues. Economic depression like the 29 stock market crash and the 1930’s afterwards.
For those of us old enough to remember the 60’s or stories about the 60’s, we don’t have folk music like that anymore. We have music about 9/11. I see there is a generation out there, now, no longer willing to tolerate bullying behavior.
Our world is changing.
Don’t you think it’s worth learning the lesson we in the U.S. learned on 9/11, about the phone calls from the people on the planes, to give voice to love? To choose to call the people closest to us? To educate ourselves on how we affect others? To know what it’s like to be isolated and how to continue to reach out? We still have our phones, our email, skype, and if we are very careful, we can go back to writing hard letters.
It’s enough to control our own fears, not let them get the better of us, and just reach out and say to the person next to us: you are not alone. It doesn’t have to be any more complicated than that.
To take this time where we need to be more conscious of all, possibly be alone for a while, and get to know ourselves again? To appreciate what is around us, people, laughter, stories, our pets and gardens. To know there was history before us that survived these things. Not everyone did. We, as a people, have learned from that history. We can tap into that knowledge, from handwashing to taking probiotics to improve our immune systems to how we treat others.
I take comfort that I can still meditate. That I am growing and healing beyond yesterday. That, even with such a pandemic going on, I am still on course with my own heart and the journey I need to be on. That I am aware of current day and it is neither more or less important than the other aspects of my life. That I can feel peace. That I am not willing to be hurt and forced into the life I used to live, not by anyone, no matter what they mean to me. That I can look up into the sky and find beauty. That I can use the pain of my youth to get me through this current health concern we all share, and leave supplies I can live without to those who can’t. That I am listening to the same songs that lift my heart into joy.
Bless you all. May you find peace and a quiet space to launch into a better tomorrow.