We had a very nice holiday that will keep going all week. So happy about that.
I’ll be going back to answering some of the questions I’ve had about why I do what I do.
One of them is do I write every day and another is do I have a scripted plot outline.
The answer to both is mainly no.
As much as I love to put word to paper, so to speak, I do find it mentally exhausting at times. Sort of like… okay, I’ve run this marathon, time to rest.
While, as of this date, I’ve only put out two finished books, I have about 15 that I’ve written in one form or another. Two are non-fiction. A couple I won’t be putting out for public consumption. Several others, well, after getting basics down, I found that there wasn’t enough to write about, even though I did have a cool idea in mind. Some I’ll go back to, maybe, at some point. But I’ve also found that those people make really good secondary characters.
I don’t write every day for a couple of reasons. One, I can’t. I do need to come up for air and I do have a simple, personal life that I don’t ever want to go back to as thinking about requiring my attention like a task list.
The second is that if you “live” too long in your designed world, it can start to lose it’s appeal. Books and phrases can sound too similar. Same with characters. Especially if you’re writing a series. The concept for Novo was born, as I’ve said, out of a moment of inspiration with watching a TV show, but it was also because I was very frustrated with my Lamp Light series. I’ve lived with Jaimie, Jesse, Drew, Moe, and other characters in my head for so long that I gloss over what they see. Or I wind up trying too hard to put down what they see or experience.
It’s good to step back for a while and not look at the work. That’s when I do research, demo something in the house, quilt, etc. When I go back to tighten up a book, I see it with fresh eyes.
Plot outlines- I find can be both helpful and annoying. If you walk in my front door, you would be confronted with a slew of white boards. These are where my ideas are held. I never have enough space on them. Some of these boards haven’t been changed in years. Others can’t hold it all and I take pictures of them, so that if I need to go back and look something up, I can.
When I’m actively writing, there’s a part of me that opens up. I can see the road ahead, book wise, and having that outline can be extremely limiting. It may not wind up fitting. This is normal for a writer. I may have a character that I absolutely love but they wind up being that really cool thing that I am just dying to have a place for, but it doesn’t work out. The idea I have may not fit the tone of the world, may not fit with the other plots going on.
For example, Novo started out as a writing exercise. It was an attempt to deal with a problem I had in my Haven Point series. It wasn’t the only one. The other was a five book serial romance I dubbed the “Watch” series. I wrote LakeWatch in a matter of four weeks. It isn’t complete or even polished. I put so much of myself into that book that, even though there are whole sections I didn’t write, emotionally, I’m content with it the way it is and I couldn’t do much with WoodsWatch. I had completed the point of the series in one book. Could I go back and finish it? Sure. I just might. But probably not. It’s one of the ones I don’t want to publish. At least, not at this point in my life. I feel such a connection with it, the way it is, that I’ve frequently gone back and re-read it, still content the way it is.
“The Sheep in Wolf’s Clothing” was my first attempt at writing a long story. It began as a horror novella. I’ve been working on that one for over thirty years. I’ve had it almost completed for the past fifteen, never quite happy with portions of it. I can’t tell anyone how many times I’ve torn it apart and re-written and I’m about to make another attempt.
In my Novo series, I had Hawthorne a third written before I threw out the entire concept and started fresh with a completely different Hawthorne character, different plot, different view point. I’m about to do the same with Oak.
I also can’t write happy or funny when I’m personally not feeling it. And, if anyone’s read the blog at all, you are well aware by now that I have PTSD. That’s a choice I made. To reveal it, knowing it will turn off readers. The reason I did reveal was a choice. It wasn’t meant to be a place to air my dirty laundry or to scour away at my ex, only seeing the bad effects of his personality.
If someone else who does have PTSD or is dealing with a horrific experience connects, great. They can see the struggle and know there is a way to deal. That, even with my serious tone, someone who doesn’t have it can see it IS a daily struggle. It isn’t something that goes away in weeks. Or years. There is no magic pill. Each person who goes through that, it’s personal. To them. They may find something in my words, as I have with others, to deal with their internal conflict, even if it’s just once or only a small portion of what their own history is… If that’s the case, GREAT!
The choice was my personal commitment to not fall backwards again. I lived for a long time with people who felt that talking about that sort of thing was wrong. Living for or within an image. While a lot of people don’t read me very well, and everyone does live at least part of their day to day behind a mask, I’m choosing to rip more of mine off so I stop stuffing myself in a box. I’ve been advised that, as a marketing concept, this is horrible to do. Too negative or realistic or discomforting. It isn’t meant to be one. No one’s life can live up to the intense scrutiny by others. And one of the points of writing, or reading, is to live someone else’s life for a while. I’ve lost friends that could have been incredibly close because they think I have it all together, the ones who are more aware of what I have lived through. Honestly? I don’t. I don’t think anyone does. I think it’s a choice on how it’s managed, those parts that don’t ever go away.
I can say that, while I don’t know exactly where the humor comes from, that for me, even with the serious tone of the blogs, there is the fun part of me that I am doing everything I can to reconnect with. In my personal life. In my writing. To stop analyzing. To enjoy, the same way I explore and build my environment and home. I don’t write with a plotted out script when I sit down to work on a book, so that the crazy or whacky or funny is there to be found. I try not to do scene work when I’m down so that I don’t wind up pulling myself into a rabbit hole that is better left out of a book. I may put it in a letter or in a blog, so that I can find that light at the end of the tunnel. To deal with the frustration or to find a funny way of dealing, which is so much better than the blah of daily therapy techniques.
It has to do with what I choose to remain open to. Personally. Professionally. I chose to be human, with my flaws and benefits intact. I can’t write with an outline because it’s too limiting.
“Broaden your horizons. They’re the only ones you’ll ever have, so make the suckers as wide as possible.” ― Jennifer Crusie, Anyone But You.
“Its the heart afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance
Its the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance
Its the one who won’t be taking, who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live”
— Bette Midler, The Rose
Take a chance with a plot. Explore. Breathe. Go off-script. Raise anchor and sail… Katrin Greene